How To Survive The Holidays

So the holidays are a'coming! And you can't show up drunk so you can make it through. I mean, you can... but then you'll end up telling them how you really feel :P With that being said, here are some tips for getting along with your family, your in-laws, or that random collective you met on Craigslist. The suggestions are from a great article from Jezebel, with commentary from yours truly.

1. The easiest way to make a new Thanksgiving guest feel comfortable is to compliment him or her on the food he or she has contributed. 

I like to tell them their dish is like a jolt of electricity through my bowels. Then I pretend to shake uncontrollably, to make them laugh. They never do ☹  

2. Ask questions! New family members may feel uncomfortable talking about themselves, so draw them out by asking (polite, non-prying) stuff about them. Jobs or school can be good topics to get people talking. 

In case they’re shy, I find a copy of their resume online, and bring a printout of it to the table. Then I ask them what they were doing during their gaps of employment. #GettingToKnowYou

3. If your parent is one of those that's always going to find fault with you and you know that they're probably going to bring something up in front of the entire family, you can take him/her aside and have a heart-to-heart and say, "I'm not feeling very good about the holidays this year, and it seems like you're kind of looking at the things that I'm not doing. Maybe this year you could focus on what I am doing or just not even focus on me at all, because it's really a time when I'm wanting to be with people who love me and wanting to be in a nurturing, positive environment."

Also, show a picture of some good blackmail material you have on them.  You don’t even need to say a word.Just look them in the eye, nod, and walk off.

4. If the critical person is an in-law, have your partner or one of their siblings to whom you're close — approach the critic rather than doing it yourself. 

It’s a good idea to have your advocate remind them of their faults, to keep them humble.  Humility is an important character trait, even when it’s forced onto a family member at a gathering centered around gratitude.

5. And if the direct approach doesn't work, try taking yourself out of the situation — go to the bathroom, make a phone call, check on the turkey — so that the critical person simply can't focus on you anymore.

I like to suddenly exclaim, ‘I left the oven on at the house!’ Then I hop in the car and drive home.  I later send a text claiming there was a very small fire, but I got there in time to put it out. ‘See y’all next year!’

6. If a family member wants to talk politics: If you can, cut them off at the pass with a smile and firm, "Let's not go there, okay?" and change the subject. Ask them about a more neutral topic — preferably something about what's happening in their own lives or those of their children. People love to talk about themselves and their kids!

Bring up the story they love telling, where they brag about themselves. How they dated a celebrity before they became famous. The game where they scored 9 points in the fourth quarter. That one time they were mistaken for Fabio at Bed Bath and Beyond. Happens to me at least twice a week. 

7. Don't expect perfection; things probably won't go completely smoothly or conflict-free. But decide to focus on what you CAN control. For example, set an intention/goal for the holiday. "I will spend time talking to Aunt Lily" or "I will play with the nieces and nephews." Focus on what you're doing that feels good to you. Making a plan for something you want to do can help you get excited about a holiday gathering rather than thinking of it as something to be endured, or a series of arguments waiting to happen.

If your plan is to gorge yourself and pass out early, you’ll probably miss all of the conflicts and arguments.  Aim for 4pm. It’s statistically the highest hour of frustration, based on research done at my family gathering last year.  #Strategery